What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

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Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

TEXT:

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Why are US customs agents so talkative? I cringed hard when a US customs agent asked me if I was on vacation. He doesn’t need to know why I went to another country as long as I am a U.S. citizen.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

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Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Should women be allowed in “combat roles” within the military?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Why do women like black men?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

How did you as a human being change while growing up?

Make Nazis afraid again!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

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Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

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Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Why do I randomly start sweating a lot in public (while waiting in line, in a new class, etc.) then start sweating more because I’m embarrassed that I’m sweating so much? Is this social anxiety?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

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Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!